Posts Tagged ‘ satire ’

87 Sunnyside homes to be demolished to make room for Costco

Aug 9th, 2013 | By
Costco Insanity

By Urban Anomie CALGARY —  City Council approved a plan on Friday to demolish 87  homes in the northwest community of Sunnyside to make way for a proposed 210,000 square-foot Costco. Many residents are upset by the move, and say the community will be devastated. “People move to communities like Sunnyside to get away from the

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Canadian man sentenced to 50 lashes for putting new toilet paper roll on backwards

Aug 3rd, 2013 | By
Toilet Paper on backwards

By Urban Anomie An Alberta man has been found guilty for crimes against the state in Kaznia this week, for putting the toilet paper roll on backwards when he replaced the empty roll with a full one. He has been sentenced to 50 lashes in a public square. James Rogers, 41, hails from Red Deer, AB,

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City approves actual Jurassic Park at Stadium Shopping Centre location

Aug 1st, 2013 | By
Jurassic Park Calagry

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — City Council has approved plans for a purposed real life Jurassic Park on the corner of 16th Ave and Uxbridge Drive N.W., despite protests from residents of surrounding neighbourhoods. “What if there’s a power failure and the electric fences go down—even for a second or two?” cried Stanley Granger, president

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Marda Loop residents seek to ban ugly people from moving into the neighbourhood

Jul 29th, 2013 | By
Marda Loop

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB – Residents of the southwest community of Marda Loop have filed a motion to block the migration of ugly people into the hip and trendy neighbourbood. Sebastian Yates, head of the Marda Loop Community Association, says ugly people are lowering land values and causing people to mistake the community for Bankview,

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Benny the Bear opens up about sex, drugs, and alcohol abuse on the set of Buck Shot

Jul 28th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Benny the Bear is the latest celebrity to open up about the candid details of his personal life in a memoir. The 57-year-old ex-television star who was made famous as Ron “Buck Shot” Barge’s sidekick on The Buck Shot Show is out with a new memoir, titled “Benny: More Than

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The Land Before Time LXVII announced at SDCC

Jul 20th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie During Universal Studios’ press conference at the San Diego Comic Con on Saturday, Universal’s Head of Animation and Development, Dale Warwick unveiled the studio’s summer blockbuster production of The Land Before Time 67, slated to open on July 4, 2014. “We’re tremendously excited to announce the next instalment of The Land Before Time

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Former lobster restaurant employee admits to burning down 16th Ave. location after years of ‘shovelling that shit onto plates’ caused him to snap

Jul 19th, 2013 | By
Lobster

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB – Investigators with the Calgary Fire Dept. say they’ve uncovered the motives behind a mysterious fire at a restaurant in the city’s N.W. in the fall of 2011, that forced the closure of the chain restaurant. Former sous chef, Steven White (26), has been charged with arson, mischief, criminal insanity, and

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Video games blamed for violent incident at Calgary kindergarten

Jul 16th, 2013 | By
Video game violence

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Video games are getting more bad rep this week, after a senior official with the Calgary Police Service blamed them for a recent violent incident that took place in the city. The perpetrator — who is only five years old and was last seen wearing jean coveralls and a red

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