Posts Tagged ‘ news ’

“I’ve been in three fights tonight and have won ‘em all,” says cowbro as he’s kicked out of Stampede grounds

Jul 13th, 2014 | By
douchebag cowboy

By Urban Anomie A Calgary Man proclaimed proudly to anybody who would listen on Saturday night that he was in three physical confrontations with other Stampede-goers, and that he was successful in each attempt at proving his manliness. Police asked the man to be quiet as they escorted him off the Stampede grounds and into the back

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Police patrol popular hot spots, reminding Calgarians of new deodorant bylaw

May 26th, 2014 | By

By Dylan Random About 45 officers with the Calgary Police olfactory crimes division were on patrol along strategic points in the city this weekend, conducting a deodorant bylaw enforcement operation after receiving numerous complaints about “foul-smelling barbarians” in the city. “Warmer weather has created a surge in stink-related complaints,” says Cst. David Shelly of the olfactory

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House fire sparks neighbourhood wiener and marshmallow roast

Jan 15th, 2014 | By
House fire roasting marshmallows

By Urban Anomie A faulty coffee machine is being blamed for a house fire in the southwest neighbourhood of Killarney early Wednesday morning, which has left a crotchety elderly woman—known to neighbours as Griselda the Spider—homeless. Neighbours celebrated the unfortunate incident by gathering around the fire singing So Long It’s Been Good to Know You and

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Look out, Nenshi! It’s no longer a one-person race to the mayoral throne

Aug 28th, 2013 | By

By Kevin Finch CALGARY — There may be a new face in Calgary’s mayoral race (hey, that rhymed!), as a local celebrity has just completed the necessary paperwork to officially kick-off his campaign against current mayor Naheed Nenshi, in this October’s municipal election—at least according to an anonymous source. Long-time Calgary weather forecaster, David Cents,

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