Posts Tagged ‘ Calgary ’

Couple files for divorce citing banana preferences

Oct 10th, 2013 | By
Banana brown dots

By Urban Anomie A northwest Calgary couple has filed for divorce over the different stages at which each other prefers their banana. “She knew I didn’t buy green bananas when we were dating,” says Mark Levitt, half of the couple in question. “That isn’t just a god damn phrase people use, you know.” Mark and Sarah

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Faulty coffee cup lid design blamed for 783 vehicle pile-up

Sep 21st, 2013 | By
Useless Coffee lid

By Urban Anomie Coffee cup lids are being blamed for a massive 783-vehicle accident on the QEII highway on Saturday, after a woman lost control of her SUV when she spilled scalding hot coffee on her hand and legs. Irene Mitchell was cruising down the highway at legal speeds, when she ran over a twig laying

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Renfrew residents say ‘northeast stigma’ is lowering property values. Group proposes a change in quadrant boundaries

Sep 18th, 2013 | By
Calgary Renfrew

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Residents in the northeast community of Renfrew say being part of the northeast leads people to believe it’s just another community for poor people. “There’s a stigma in Calgary that surrounds the northeast,” says Lindsey Green, who bought into the neighbourhood three years ago. “People think, ‘Eww, poor people’ when

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IOC votes to reinstate Whack-A-Mole at 2020 Olympics

Sep 9th, 2013 | By
Whack a mole Olympics

By Urban Anomie Whack-A-Mole will be returning to the Olympics in 2020. After presentations by groups pushing for the inclusion of tug-of-war, mud wrestling, and Whack-A-Mole before the International Olympic Committee (IOC) on Sunday in Buenos Aires, the IOC voted to admit the high-pressure game that challenges the speed and concentration of athletes back into the

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The search for Jimmy Hoffa’s remains leads authorities to famed Chicken on the Way

Sep 2nd, 2013 | By
Jimmy Hoffa

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Beneath a hockey arena, under a horse farm . . . and now in the basement of Calgary’s acclaimed Chicken on the Way restaurant. For the umpteenth time, FBI agents, this time in concert with the RCMP, went on a search for Jimmy Hoffa’s remains or clues to the disappearance of

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Look out, Nenshi! It’s no longer a one-person race to the mayoral throne

Aug 28th, 2013 | By

By Kevin Finch CALGARY — There may be a new face in Calgary’s mayoral race (hey, that rhymed!), as a local celebrity has just completed the necessary paperwork to officially kick-off his campaign against current mayor Naheed Nenshi, in this October’s municipal election—at least according to an anonymous source. Long-time Calgary weather forecaster, David Cents,

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Superstore employees vote to strike, customers wonder if they’ll even notice

Aug 26th, 2013 | By
Superstore Strike

By Urban Anomie Real Canadian Superstore employees have moved one step closer to strike action, after a strike vote was held in Calgary last week. Union members in the Calgary area voted 97 per cent in favour of going off the job. The same percentage of workers voted yes in Edmonton last week. Some shoppers wonder

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Meteorologist in police custody after attacking a man who told him ‘winter is coming’

Aug 19th, 2013 | By
winter is coming

By Urban Anomie It’s not uncommon for pop culture references to work their way into the real lives of everyday fans, but one meteorologist in Calgary, AB had apparently heard enough. Police have arrested and charged Dale Schneider for assault and uttering death threats in conjunction with an incident that took place this weekend. On Sunday

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Massive sinkhole swallows neighbourhood of Silverado, Calgarians ask ‘where the hell is that?’

Aug 15th, 2013 | By
Calgary Sinkhole

By Urban Anomie The tsunami that struck Calgary and the town of High River in June has left the city with countless sinkholes – some capable of swallowing people, some, entire city blocks. On Thursday, the southwest neighbourhood of Silverado was noticed to be missing by a mail carrier on her route, and experts agree that

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Calgary honours Toronto mayor Rob Ford with prestigious white asshat

Aug 12th, 2013 | By
Rob Ford Asshat

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB – The City of Calgary’s Mayor’s Office recognized their Toronto counterpart, Rob Ford, on Monday with the traditional Smithbilt asshat, placing him in elite company alongside Tom Cruise and Roger ‘that guy who blocks people on Twitter for no reason’ Millions – the only other recipients to receive the honour. Calgary’s

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