Posts Tagged ‘ Alberta ’

SAIT announces new mummification program

May 19th, 2017 | By

By Urban Anomie Students looking to pursue a career in mummifying will soon be able to enroll in SAIT’s Mummification program. Launching in 2018, the two-year diploma program is being touted as the first of its kind in over 2000 years, according to Cindy Amenhotep, the program’s Academic Chair within the School of Health and

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91 dead, hundreds wounded as the Gluten-Free Militia launches pre-emptive strike on Anti-Dairy Forces

Mar 10th, 2014 | By
Almondheim

By Urban Anomie An Alberta newspaper reported on Monday that a missile fired from the mountains near the town of Blairmore hit an Anti-Dairy Force (ADF) controlled missile base in southeastern B.C. The news agency quoted eyewitnesses who said “hundreds” were incinerated or injured, and that the majority of the military installation was destroyed. On Thursday,

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Post-secondary grads can now pay off student loan debt with unborn children, body parts

Jan 2nd, 2014 | By
protesting boobs

By Urban Anomie Are you being crushed by the weight of your student loan debt? Did you not realize that the money you borrowed for four drunken years of art school had to be paid back? Did you use those grants to buy a shiny 55-inch LCD for your dorm, which is now obsolete? Well don’t

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Southern Alberta town to change name to Kirby Montana in a bid to keep people away

Nov 21st, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie The tourist-destination town of Banff, Alberta has become so popular, that in order to curb people from visiting it has announced plans to change its name to Kirby Montana. Council member, Louise White, says Kirby, Montana exemplifies a run-down shit hole that nobody wants to visit, and thinks that by making the change,

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Faulty coffee cup lid design blamed for 783 vehicle pile-up

Sep 21st, 2013 | By
Useless Coffee lid

By Urban Anomie Coffee cup lids are being blamed for a massive 783-vehicle accident on the QEII highway on Saturday, after a woman lost control of her SUV when she spilled scalding hot coffee on her hand and legs. Irene Mitchell was cruising down the highway at legal speeds, when she ran over a twig laying

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RCMP arrest Vulcan, AB man accused of being a Romulan spy

Aug 21st, 2013 | By
Vulcan Starship

By Urban Anomie A 43-year-old Vulcan man has been arrested in a rural Alberta town on suspicion of spying for the Romulan Star Empire, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) has said. The man, who goes by the name of T’Steve, told police he had photographed starships and other military-related buildings along along Highway 23 in the

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Police, City urge calm after shark attack in Bow River leaves Calgary man with extensive injuries

Jul 31st, 2013 | By
Great White Calgary

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — The July 31 shark-attack on a Calgary man inside city limits has prompted Calgary Police to suspend all water activities in the Bow and Elbow River, as well as the Glenmore Reservoir, until the shark is caught. The incident occurred just off Prince’s Island Park, and the victim—who is alive,

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