All entries by this author

Editorial – Rob Ford: balls of steel

Nov 5th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie Toronto, Ontario. T.O. for short. North America’s third largest city. The centre of the universe. The land of crack-smoking, alcoholic mayors. The home of . . . wait, what? The land of crack-smoking, alcoholic mayors. Toronto’s infamous mayor Rob Ford was one of the most popular guys on the Interweb today, after admitting

[continue reading…]



Woman upset after being told Thanksgiving turkey used to be alive

Oct 15th, 2013 | By
Thanksgiving Turkey

By Urban Anomie Paris DePalmer, 24, was devastated on Monday night, after the revelation hit her that the turkey she bought and prepared for Thanksgiving was actually a living creature at some point. It began after one of her Thanksgiving guests complemented the turkey she spent the afternoon preparing and cooking. “’That’s a dope looking bird,’

[continue reading…]



Couple files for divorce citing banana preferences

Oct 10th, 2013 | By
Banana brown dots

By Urban Anomie A northwest Calgary couple has filed for divorce over the different stages at which each other prefers their banana. “She knew I didn’t buy green bananas when we were dating,” says Mark Levitt, half of the couple in question. “That isn’t just a god damn phrase people use, you know.” Mark and Sarah

[continue reading…]



Starbucks to begin offering insulin chasers with premium sugary drinks

Sep 29th, 2013 | By
Starbucks insulin

By Urban Anomie Premium coffee house, Starbucks, announced on Sunday, that the company will begin offering insulin chasers with their specialty beverages, such as the Pumpkin Spice Latte, for an additional 79-cents. “Starbucks has always been a trendsetter,” says Western Canadian district manager, Marie Marlowe. “Customers can now order the worst-for-you, health-unconscientiously sugary $6 ‘coffees’ they

[continue reading…]



Condo board fines five-year-old for singing in common space

Sep 26th, 2013 | By
Condo board assholes

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Cindy O’Donnell was upset when her five-year-old daughter received a letter in the mail on Thursday, informing her she was being fined $1000 by their condominium board. What upset O’Donnell the most was that the fine was being brought against her daughter for singing the alphabet in the parking lot

[continue reading…]



Faulty coffee cup lid design blamed for 783 vehicle pile-up

Sep 21st, 2013 | By
Useless Coffee lid

By Urban Anomie Coffee cup lids are being blamed for a massive 783-vehicle accident on the QEII highway on Saturday, after a woman lost control of her SUV when she spilled scalding hot coffee on her hand and legs. Irene Mitchell was cruising down the highway at legal speeds, when she ran over a twig laying

[continue reading…]



Renfrew residents say ‘northeast stigma’ is lowering property values. Group proposes a change in quadrant boundaries

Sep 18th, 2013 | By
Calgary Renfrew

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Residents in the northeast community of Renfrew say being part of the northeast leads people to believe it’s just another community for poor people. “There’s a stigma in Calgary that surrounds the northeast,” says Lindsey Green, who bought into the neighbourhood three years ago. “People think, ‘Eww, poor people’ when

[continue reading…]



Liberals plan to auction off locks of Justin Trudeau’s hair in fundraising event

Sep 16th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie The Liberal Party is banking on Justin Trudeau’s dashing good looks and wavy locks of chestnut hair to turn around the party’s finances in order to take on the formidable Conservative fundraising machine. With his sizzling mane of hair and dimples that can melt steel, the 41-year-old relative newcomer to politics has both

[continue reading…]



Woman gets bitten by mosquito, tells everyone about it on Twitter

Sep 12th, 2013 | By
Mosquito Edmonton

By Urban Anomie An Edmonton woman who was bitten by a mosquito on Wednesday took to social media to tell everyone of the regaling incident. “Just got bit by a pesky mosquito,” she tweeted to the delight of her 179 followers. “Now it’s gonna itch for a few days lol,” she tweeted 39 seconds later. Kaitlyn

[continue reading…]



Airdrie man who purchased $78,000 in lottery tickets says fortune cookie lied to him

Sep 11th, 2013 | By
Fortunecookie

By Urban Anomie Were you the lucky holder of a winning lottery ticket recently? Most likely you were not. Statistically, you’re more likely to get struck by lightning, die after contracting the West Nile Virus, or perish in a plane crash. But one Airdrie man thought he was in for a treat after his post-wonton soup

[continue reading…]