All entries by this author

Bank of Canada scratches plan to feature Rob Ford on new $15 bill

Nov 7th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie Shortly after a ceremony at the Canadian Space Agency in Saint-Hubert, Quebec on Thursday that was held to mark the release of Canada’s newest in the series of polymer bank notes, the Bank of Canada said it has cancelled plans to feature Rob Ford on the new $15 bill set to be released

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Editorial – Rob Ford: balls of steel

Nov 5th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie Toronto, Ontario. T.O. for short. North America’s third largest city. The centre of the universe. The land of crack-smoking, alcoholic mayors. The home of . . . wait, what? The land of crack-smoking, alcoholic mayors. Toronto’s infamous mayor Rob Ford was one of the most popular guys on the Interweb today, after admitting

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Woman upset after being told Thanksgiving turkey used to be alive

Oct 15th, 2013 | By
Thanksgiving Turkey

By Urban Anomie Paris DePalmer, 24, was devastated on Monday night, after the revelation hit her that the turkey she bought and prepared for Thanksgiving was actually a living creature at some point. It began after one of her Thanksgiving guests complemented the turkey she spent the afternoon preparing and cooking. “’That’s a dope looking bird,’

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Couple files for divorce citing banana preferences

Oct 10th, 2013 | By
Banana brown dots

By Urban Anomie A northwest Calgary couple has filed for divorce over the different stages at which each other prefers their banana. “She knew I didn’t buy green bananas when we were dating,” says Mark Levitt, half of the couple in question. “That isn’t just a god damn phrase people use, you know.” Mark and Sarah

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Starbucks to begin offering insulin chasers with premium sugary drinks

Sep 29th, 2013 | By
Starbucks insulin

By Urban Anomie Premium coffee house, Starbucks, announced on Sunday, that the company will begin offering insulin chasers with their specialty beverages, such as the Pumpkin Spice Latte, for an additional 79-cents. “Starbucks has always been a trendsetter,” says Western Canadian district manager, Marie Marlowe. “Customers can now order the worst-for-you, health-unconscientiously sugary $6 ‘coffees’ they

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Condo board fines five-year-old for singing in common space

Sep 26th, 2013 | By
Condo board assholes

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Cindy O’Donnell was upset when her five-year-old daughter received a letter in the mail on Thursday, informing her she was being fined $1000 by their condominium board. What upset O’Donnell the most was that the fine was being brought against her daughter for singing the alphabet in the parking lot

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Faulty coffee cup lid design blamed for 783 vehicle pile-up

Sep 21st, 2013 | By
Useless Coffee lid

By Urban Anomie Coffee cup lids are being blamed for a massive 783-vehicle accident on the QEII highway on Saturday, after a woman lost control of her SUV when she spilled scalding hot coffee on her hand and legs. Irene Mitchell was cruising down the highway at legal speeds, when she ran over a twig laying

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Renfrew residents say ‘northeast stigma’ is lowering property values. Group proposes a change in quadrant boundaries

Sep 18th, 2013 | By
Calgary Renfrew

By Urban Anomie CALGARY, AB — Residents in the northeast community of Renfrew say being part of the northeast leads people to believe it’s just another community for poor people. “There’s a stigma in Calgary that surrounds the northeast,” says Lindsey Green, who bought into the neighbourhood three years ago. “People think, ‘Eww, poor people’ when

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Liberals plan to auction off locks of Justin Trudeau’s hair in fundraising event

Sep 16th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie The Liberal Party is banking on Justin Trudeau’s dashing good looks and wavy locks of chestnut hair to turn around the party’s finances in order to take on the formidable Conservative fundraising machine. With his sizzling mane of hair and dimples that can melt steel, the 41-year-old relative newcomer to politics has both

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Woman gets bitten by mosquito, tells everyone about it on Twitter

Sep 12th, 2013 | By
Mosquito Edmonton

By Urban Anomie An Edmonton woman who was bitten by a mosquito on Wednesday took to social media to tell everyone of the regaling incident. “Just got bit by a pesky mosquito,” she tweeted to the delight of her 179 followers. “Now it’s gonna itch for a few days lol,” she tweeted 39 seconds later. Kaitlyn

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