All entries by this author

Post-secondary grads can now pay off student loan debt with unborn children, body parts

Jan 2nd, 2014 | By
protesting boobs

By Urban Anomie Are you being crushed by the weight of your student loan debt? Did you not realize that the money you borrowed for four drunken years of art school had to be paid back? Did you use those grants to buy a shiny 55-inch LCD for your dorm, which is now obsolete? Well don’t

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Calgarian who wins $40 million lotto jackpot isn’t a fucker after all

Dec 17th, 2013 | By
Calgarian, Tom Crist, announced that he will give away the entirety of his $40 million lottery winnings to charity.

By Urban Anomie On Monday when Calgarians heard that a fellow citizen had won $40 million in last May’s Lotto Max, they congratulated the man, then promptly branded him a fucker. After all, any person holding a winning lottery ticket who isn’t you obviously deserves such a crude title, for no reason other than they aren’t

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Documents reveal the Gingerbread Man’s father was a Nazi

Dec 14th, 2013 | By
Gingerbread Man Nazi

By Urban Anomie According to documents obtained in November 2013 from the German State Archives by Urban Anomie, it was discovered that Ulrich Von Gingerbread, father of Ralf Von Gingerbread—colloquially known as The Gingerbread Man—voluntarily applied to join the Nazi party on March 5, 1928, well before the party had the German country in its grips.

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Mother Nature found dead in her home, police suspect foul play

Dec 2nd, 2013 | By
Mother nature murdered

By Urban Anomie Homicide investigators with the Calgary Police Service are on the scene of an apparent targeted attack in the southeast neighbourhood of Lake Bonavista early Monday afternoon, marking what is thought to be the city’s 21st homicide this year. Officers were called to a home in the 700 block of 120 Ave. SE around

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Red Deer man endures Black Friday line for six hours to save $8 on a pair of shoes

Nov 28th, 2013 | By
Black Friday Crowd

By Urban Anomie A Red Deer man who lined-up at 3:00 a.m. to be one of the first in line at Soleful Shoes says it was all worth it to get 10% off an $80 pair of shoes that cost $3 to make. Mike Dunham, 32, arrived with a lawn chair, a dog-eared copy of The

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Alaska sold back to Russia

Nov 26th, 2013 | By
Alaska Russia

By Urban Anomie With a mounting fiscal deficit, The Obama administration announced on Tuesday that it has sold Alaska back to Russia for more than $130,000 in an all-cash deal that will see the freezing cold state become Russian territory for the first time since 1867. President Obama’s chief of Polar Affairs, Henry Fielding, said on

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Van Damme Volvo commercial hits 50 million views in one week . . . by 38 people watching it over and over again

Nov 25th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie Troubled action star, Jean-Claude Van Damme, ground the Internet to a halt last week, when Volvo unveiled their latest commercial featuring the Muscles from Brussels doing the splits across two moving trucks to the new age sounds of Enya. As of Monday evening, there have been over 50,900,000 views for the commercial, but

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Southern Alberta town to change name to Kirby Montana in a bid to keep people away

Nov 21st, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie The tourist-destination town of Banff, Alberta has become so popular, that in order to curb people from visiting it has announced plans to change its name to Kirby Montana. Council member, Louise White, says Kirby, Montana exemplifies a run-down shit hole that nobody wants to visit, and thinks that by making the change,

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The Christmas tree guide

Nov 11th, 2013 | By
Christmas Tree

By Urban Anomie Perhaps second only to Santa Claus, the Christmas tree is the most iconic image associated with contemporary Christmas in North America. For many adults who’ve long-ago abandoned the notion of an overweight elderly man with a curious interest in children squeezing his ass down the chimney to leave candy presents for children, the

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Americans pleased that Canadians are just as fucked up as they are

Nov 8th, 2013 | By

By Urban Anomie The news that Toronto mayor Rob Ford is a crack-smoking douchebag made international headlines this week, which brought to light the status of cross-border perceptions between friendly neighbours Canada and the US. “It’s refreshing to know that friendly ol’ Canada isn’t so peaceful and innocent up there,” said William Lehman of Seattle, Washington.

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