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• Canadian Men’s Hockey team faces firing squad on return from Winter Olympics
• SAIT announces new mummification program
• Internet giant Facebook rushes to ban mentions of turnips. Fake news still okay
• Earl Cowan cast as Wicked Witch in stage production of the Wizard of Oz
• Ashton Kutcher to reprise roll as Moron in ‘Dude, Where’s my Apple TV remote?’
• Calgary Flames to convert former Target location into new arena
• CBC severs ties with Peter Mansbridge for allegedly failing to use reusable grocery bags
• Calgary councillor introduces motion to have all dogs’ teeth pulled in light of recent dog attacks
• Dog suicides on the rise as Canada Post claws back home delivery
• Monsanto to begin spraying cities with chemical designed to make people not hate Monsanto
• Calgary falls into complete disarray after Nenshi walks away from Twitter for a few days
• “I’ve been in three fights tonight and have won ‘em all,” says cowbro as he’s kicked out of Stampede grounds
• B.C. to partner with marijuana industry on development of new school curriculum
• Council approves $12 million magpie relocation plan
• Zoo places lion on gluten-free, vegan diet

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