Canadian Men’s Hockey team faces firing squad on return from Winter Olympics

Feb 26th, 2018 | By | Category: Feature
Trudeau Firing Squad

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau inspects members of the Olympic Firing Squad in Ottawa.

By Urban Anomie

The Trudeau regime has carried out a public execution of the Canadian men’s hockey team after they failed to secure the gold medal at the 2018 Winter Olympics, a report from a human rights group deep inside the country has revealed.

The report, released by Puck Bunny International in Vancouver, gathered information from more than 700 Canadian onlookers who witnessed the regime’s firing squad that took place at local community ice rink’s parking lot to attract large crowds.

PM Justin Trudeau served as captain of the Royal Canadian Death Commandos in the early 2000s before orchestrating an overthrow of the Harper Regime in 2015.

The incident was also broadcast live on the country’s national broadcaster, CBC, to instill fear in the county’s citizens; an estimated 17 people watched in Technicolor as Coronation Street was interrupted by the prolonged fusillade.

Sam Tremblay, Minister of Ice Hockey and Other Sports That Nobody Cares About, released a statement early this morning.

“Gold or nothing,” Tremblay said. “The nation has been embarrassed, and this will not stand.”

“The women’s hockey team has been sentenced to six months hard labour in the country’s oil sands for losing to the American team in the gold medal game – a merciful sentence, as the team won silver in a hard-fought match,” said Tremblay.

Harper's Death Squad

PM Stephen Harper and his personal death squad shortly before executing the 2006 Olympic Men’s Hockey Team.

According to Madison Hollander of Puck Bunny International, public executions typically take place near bridges, in public sports stadiums, in the local marketplace, and in public squares.

In 2006, the men’s hockey team was fed to Supreme Leader Stephen Harper’s cats after placing sixth in the Turin Olympics, and in 1998, Jean Chretien personally gave coach Mark Crawford the shawinigan handshake, strangling him to death after he chose to bench Wayne Gretzky during a shoot-out for the bronze medal in Nagano, which of course the team lost.

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