SAIT announces new mummification program

May 19th, 2017 | By | Category: Feature
SAIT announces two-year Mummification diploma program.

SAIT announces two-year Mummification diploma program.

By Urban Anomie

Students looking to pursue a career in mummifying will soon be able to enroll in SAIT’s Mummification program.

Launching in 2018, the two-year diploma program is being touted as the first of its kind in over 2000 years, according to Cindy Amenhotep, the program’s Academic Chair within the School of Health and Safety, and will prepare students for an industry in high demand.

“SAIT has always been at the forefront when it comes to meeting industry demands,” says Amenhotep. “More people than ever are looking to have their loved ones mummified, especially in Canada’s large urban centres where $100 bills apparently flutter about in the wind like a plague of locusts on an autumn day.”

Mummification students will be taught a host of skills, from Canopic Jars 101, to classes focusing on Dehydrating a Corpse With Salt and Stuffing The Body With Linen in their second year.

When reached for comment, a spokesman for the Alberta Funeral Service Association (AFSA) said mummification is another way in which the funeral industry can royally fuck-over help Canadians honour their loved one and give them a proper send-off.

SAIT Mummification program

Government officials were on hand at SAIT to announce $40 million dollars in funding for the Mummification Program.

“Our stakeholders are very pleased with the decision to offer a mummification diploma,” says Ray Smyth with the AFSA.

“Funeral service providers in the province are gearing up to offer Albertans the option to embalm, then mummify, then place in a platinum-plated coffin made from smoked African sandalwood, then cremated to make sure there’s no coming back to life or any funny business like that, and finally buried in a plot beneath a bronze headstone.”

Enrollment for the program begins later this year, and with only 90 seats available, SAIT officials expect the program to fill up fast.

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