91 dead, hundreds wounded as the Gluten-Free Militia launches pre-emptive strike on Anti-Dairy Forces

Mar 10th, 2014 | By | Category: Feature, New
Almondheim

Almondheim, named after the dairy-free milk alternative–one of several Anti-Dairy Force military bases near the Alberta–B.C. border–was struck by a Gluten-Free Militia rocket on Monday. Photo by Flickr user quapan.

By Urban Anomie

An Alberta newspaper reported on Monday that a missile fired from the mountains near the town of Blairmore hit an Anti-Dairy Force (ADF) controlled missile base in southeastern B.C.

The news agency quoted eyewitnesses who said “hundreds” were incinerated or injured, and that the majority of the military installation was destroyed.

On Thursday, the Gluten Free Militia (GFM) reported that ADF Air Force tactical drones circled over the Crowsnest Pass region, and officials feared that an attack on cottage cheese production facilities was imminent. The facilities are critical to gluten-free supporters, many of whom require the low-fat protein for breakfast.

The Canadian Observatory for Dietary Rights confirmed a blast in one of the ADF’s missile bases, and confirmed 91 casualties.

Last week, sources reported that the ADF bombed a garbanzo bean shipment destined for Calgary, and officials say this latest strike escalates tensions between the two factions.

More as it develops.

 
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One Comment to “91 dead, hundreds wounded as the Gluten-Free Militia launches pre-emptive strike on Anti-Dairy Forces”

  1. […] Just now An Alberta newspaper reported on Monday that a missile fired from the mountains near the town of Blairmore hit an Anti-Dairy Force (ADF) controlled missile base in southeastern B.C. The news agency quoted eyewitnesses who said “hundreds” were incinerated or injured, and that the majority of the military installation was destroyed. On Thursday, the Gluten Free Militia (GFM) reported that ADF Air Force tactical drones circled over the Crowsnest Pass region, and officials feared that an attack on cottage cheese production facilities was imminent. The facilities are critical to gluten-free supporters, many of whom require the low-fat protein for breakfast. The Canadian Observatory for Dietary Rights confirmed a blast in one of the ADF’s missile bases, and confirmed 91 casualties. Last week, sources reported that the ADF bombed a garbanzo bean shipment destined for Calgary, and officials say this latest strike escalates tensions between the two factions. More as it develops. 91 dead, hundreds wounded as the Gluten-Free Militia launches pre-emptive strike on Anti-Dairy Force…  […]

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