House fire sparks neighbourhood wiener and marshmallow roast

Jan 15th, 2014 | By | Category: Calgary, Feature, New
House fire roasting marshmallows

CALGARY, AB — A house fire in the southwest neighbourhood of Killarney sparked a community wiener roast and marshmallow roasting event. Wednesday, January 15, 2014.

By Urban Anomie

A faulty coffee machine is being blamed for a house fire in the southwest neighbourhood of Killarney early Wednesday morning, which has left a crotchety elderly woman—known to neighbours as Griselda the Spider—homeless.

Neighbours celebrated the unfortunate incident by gathering around the fire singing So Long It’s Been Good to Know You and Kumbaya, and fire fighters took a break from battling the four-alarm blaze when one neighbour brought out marshmallows and hotdogs.

“The night was unseasonably warm, and I thought it would be a good time for the community to celebrate,” says neighbour. Larry Oster, whose nine-year-old daughter was allegedly placed under a curse by Griselda.

The fire started just after 2 a.m. inside a split-level home located on the 2800 block of Richmond Road, says Capt. John Harrington of the Calgary Fire Dept.

“This blaze is the latest casualty in the single cup coffee maker wars,” says Harrington, who points out that it isn’t that bloody hard to use a French press.

“To be honest, we don’t even know why people are using those confounded Keurig or Tassiomo coffee machines. It’s a fad that just won’t go away. A dangerous fad.”

Phillip Fournel, of St. Catherine’s, Ont.–whose mother’s home it was that burned to the ground–was staying in the guest bedroom at the time of the incident.

“Who fucking cares about how to make coffee?” Fournel shouted to reporters. “My family has suffered a tragedy and people are out roasting hotdogs and making s’mores!”

“Oooh, are there graham crackers?” asked an on-duty fire fighter, over-hearing the commotion of Fournel’s interview with the media.

Griselda the Spider and her son Phillip have been put-up in a Motel 8 by the Red Cross.

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2 Comments to “House fire sparks neighbourhood wiener and marshmallow roast”

  1. Eva says:

    I was not happy with the recent arltdie in the Calgary Herald demeaning the new central Calgary Public library. It was poorly researched, heavy on opinion and sparse on facts.I am a volunteer at the Calgary Public Library. I understand (check with Helen Humphrey) that the Calgary Public Library is the Second most used library in Canada and sixth most used in North America. The most important thing she didn’t mention is about the Calgary Public Library’s programs and volunteers. Every library has books at the front desk that describe the free programs( like ESL the one I volunteer in) that make the Calgary Library such an important contribution to the community. Computers, magazines, financial newsletters, DVD’S, CD’s, microfiche records of newspapers, digital books and so on. In spite of self check out, and reduced front desk staff, the massive (non paper book) programs need staff to start them up and to keep them going. Like the 88 Olympics, think what it would cost without that huge volunteer base. But volunteers need direction and facilities to volunteer in. And The Central Branch is a hub so it would be expected to have big shoulders to carry a whole city. Every time I renew my library card, I tell the front desk that it is the best money that I spend all year.Ellen Humphrey, Good on Ya! and Good on Ya Morning News!GD Star Ratingloading…

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