The search for Jimmy Hoffa’s remains leads authorities to famed Chicken on the Way

Sep 2nd, 2013 | By | Category: Alberta, Calgary, News, Satire
Chicken on the Way

One of Jimmy Hoffa’s favourite restaurants was Chicken on the Way, which opened in Calgary, AB in the 1950s.

By Urban Anomie

CALGARY, AB — Beneath a hockey arena, under a horse farm . . . and now in the basement of Calgary’s acclaimed Chicken on the Way restaurant. For the umpteenth time, FBI agents, this time in concert with the RCMP, went on a search for Jimmy Hoffa’s remains or clues to the disappearance of the notorious Teamsters boss.

And once again, the search was futile.

“We’re tremendously disappointed,” RCMP captain Francois Duke told reporters on Monday as authorities from the two federal agencies wrapped up another search that failed to turn up anything that could be linked to Hoffa.

Many people interested in the mystery assume Hoffa, who has been missing since 1975, think he was whacked by the mob after his relationship with them went sour.

“Right now the case remains open,” Steve Herman of the FBI said. “If we do get logical leads and enough probable cause that warrants the resources to do an investigation, then we’ll continue to do so.”

The latest search for Hoffa’s remains was prompted by a tip from reputed ex-Mafia boss, Sami Merelli, who is serving a life sentence in a Colorado federal prison.

About 15 FBI agents and 40 RCMP officers searched the basement of Chicken on the Way, located in the popular Kensington area north of Calgary’s Bow River. With the aid of police dogs, a backhoe, and dozens of shovels, they spent 12 hours in the basement on Saturday and another 12 on Sunday before calling it quits about 11:45 p.m. on Sunday.

“We’re always hopeful that we’ll get a lead that will lead us to a position in which we can conclude this investigation,” said Hermen.

Jimmy Hoffa

Jimmy Hoffa flashing gang signs.

Hoffa was last seen on July 30, 1975, when he was to meet with reputed Detroit mob enforcer Anthony “Tony Jack” Giacalone and alleged New Jersey mob figure Anthony “Tony Pro” Provenzano at the chicken joint. The 62-year-old Hoffa was never seen or heard from again.

According to Merelli, the trio had arranged to meet in Calgary as to avoid any suspicion from authorities south of the border, and Chicken on the Way had “proved useful” in the past.

From his rise in the Teamsters, to his 1964 conviction for jury tampering and his presumed murder all link back to a time when organized crime, public corruption and mob hits held both Canada and America’s attention.

In 2003, authorities dug a hole behind the visitor’s goal net at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit for a briefcase an informant said contained a possible evidence that Hoffa might have been injected with poison.

Three years later, the FBI and RCMP spent 11 days searching through piles of actual shit at a mushroom farm in Saskatchewan for Hoffa’s remains after a tipster directed authorities there.

And in 2010, authorities evacuated and closed an Idaho high school during exam week, after receiving a “credible tip” that Hoffa’s remains were located in one of the lockers in the school.

This piece is a work of satire, and intended for amusement purposes only.

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