Harper Government to deploy two-dozen robot soldiers to aid in war on drugs

Aug 29th, 2013 | By | Category: Politics
Canadian Drug Robots

At a cost of $12.7 billion, these super robots will be deployed in strategic locations in quiet, unsuspecting suburban neighbourhoods where grow-ups are threatening to destroy the very foundation of Canadian society. Photo by Flickr user: Onezilla

By Urban Anomie

The Canadian Government is moving towards a fight to the finish in the war on drugs, with Francis Letourneau, the Minister of Agriculture, announcing today that the government has purchased 24 ‘super robots’ capable of levelling entire grow-ops with energy blasts projected from weapons mounted on each arm.

Nearing 40-feet in height, and powered with a proprietary natural gas-hemp blend of fuel,  the robots, dubbed, Weed Force –Xterminate, cost taxpayers $12.7 billion, and will be up and running by the end of the week.

“Canadians can feel safer knowing their government is protecting them with this army of unstoppable robots,” Letourneau said.

Opposition critics call the move “absurd,” with NDP minister Lucinda Barnes demanding Stephen Harper’s resignation.

“This is just . . . to be honest, I’m speechless,” Barnes told reporters on Parliament Hill. “[Harper] should just resign and save himself the embaras—“

Barnes was unable to finish her sentence, as she was incinerated by energy blasts shortly after her press conference began.

More as it develops . . .

 
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