By Urban Anomie
A prominent researcher at the University of Drumheller claims the king of the dinosaurs probably didn’t eat corn on the cob.
Dr. Linus Von Solemberg, who has spent the last 21 years studying the Tyrannosaurus Rex’s eating habits, says the cold-blooded killer’s arms were likely not long enough to eat corn on the cob.
“It comes down to simple mathematics,” said Von Solemberg. “The length of the T-Rex’s arms were approximately 63.21% too short for it to be able to hold the cob of corn up to its mouth.”
The university has invested tens of millions of dollars funding Von Solemberg’s research over the past two decades, and says this revelation will alter the foundation of dinosaur research.
“Its groundbreaking,” says Susanna Thompson, co-chair of the university’s palaeontology department. “For years and years, the question has lingered: does the T-Rex eat corn on the cob? Now that we know it did not, we can move on to more important questions such as how the dinosaur cleans between its teeth, or tuck itself in at night?”
A new exhibit will be opened in Drumheller later this summer to illustrate Von Solemberg’s findings, complete with a 32-foot high animatronic replica of a T-Rex trying its hardest to eat corn off of a cob.
“It will be highly educational,” says Von Solemberg.
Now that he’s unlocked one of the greatest mysteries of our time, Von Solemberg plans to direct his attention towards dinosaur space travel.
“I’m a firm believer that the dinosaurs didn’t just die off. I’m going to prove that they evolved and built spaceships to escape earth.”