By Urban Anomie
CALGARY, AB — Benny the Bear is the latest celebrity to open up about the candid details of his personal life in a memoir.
The 57-year-old ex-television star who was made famous as Ron “Buck Shot” Barge’s sidekick on The Buck Shot Show is out with a new memoir, titled “Benny: More Than Just a Stuffed Bear.” This week he spoke with Urban Anomie about some of the juicy revelations readers can expect.
The book’s salacious details cover everything from his love affair with Miss Piggy during the 70s and partying during the heyday of his career at The St. Louis Hotel—the infamous pub where former Premier Ralph Klein launched his political career, to his failed porn stint alongside local 80s icons Druh Fawcett and Long “Moustache” McDonald.
In the book, Benny dispelled rumours that he has had a large number of romantic involvements over the course of his life. “I’ve got to be honest with you. People try and say that I have had thousands of girls—I haven’t,” said Benny. “I’ve probably had 30 or 40 . . . and maybe half of those were puppets like me, so they don’t count.”
Benny also discussed the role drugs played in his life and the lives of his cast mates and crew, though he said his drug intake was more moderate than some of his colleagues. “As far as the drugs are concerned, I was never an addict,” he said. “I was never, you know, in rehab. It never affected my family or my relationships with any of my eight wives, or anything. I was just a social user. I could quit any time I wanted to, oh yes I could.”
But that wasn’t the case for his Buck Shot cast mate Clyde the Owl, whose frequent cocaine habit burned a hole through his nasal septum. The result apparently scared Clyde and the other cast and crew members so much that, according to Benny, they switched the method in which they took cocaine.
“It scared Clyde,” he said. “It scared me . . . Yeah, it scared us all good. So we found another method of taking the drug . . . we began injecting the drug, you know, like rockstars do. We did that for a little while,” said Benny.
Benny, who remains close friends with Clyde the Owl, claimed that the duo, along with friends Casey and Finnegan from the hit children’s show Mr. Dress-up, had tossed around the idea of forming a ‘super cast,’ of sorts, back in the late 80s. “Our show was going to be called, ‘Who the Fart Needs Parents?,’” said Benny, admitting that the name “must have been the drugs talking.”
Benny also revealed that he plans to join the cast of E-Talk Daily as a temporary replacement for Ben Mulroney this fall, who was placed on a leave of absence after being voted Canada’s Biggest Fathead in a recent poll conducted by Urban Anomie and Kavos-Reed.
This story is a satire piece intended for amusement purposes only.