By Urban Anomie
During Universal Studios’ press conference at the San Diego Comic Con on Saturday, Universal’s Head of Animation and Development, Dale Warwick unveiled the studio’s summer blockbuster production of The Land Before Time 67, slated to open on July 4, 2014.
“We’re tremendously excited to announce the next instalment of The Land Before Time series,” said Warwick. “Fat Head, Nine Toes, Big Belly, Pickle Noodle, and the whole gang will be back again to stop an asteroid from hitting The Great Valley using only sticks and rocks.“
When asked by a member of the audience if he thinks The Land Before Time series has jumped the shark, Warwick responded by pointing out all previous 66 movies in the series have grossed a combined $1.3 bazillion to date.
“Every one in this room has fond memories of the original movie,” said Warwick. “We’re going to milk that cow’s titty until it’s dry.”
Famous celebrities such as Leonardo DiCaprio (Nine Toes) and Tom Cruise (Fat Head) have been pegged to lend their voices, and Bill Cosby will provide the voice of the asteroid.
Diana Ross composed the theme song for the original Land Before Time movie, and the theme song for the newest instalment will be performed by Pussy Riot, who is working hard composing the theme from a prison cell in Siberia.
This story is a satire piece intended for amusement purposes only.